For Mother’s Day, I told my husband I wanted the book, “Sex, Style and Substance.” Of course he forgot to run by the bookstore so on Mother’s Day we ended up there together. My husband said he would entertain our girls in the kid’s section while I looked for my book. They didn’t have it though.
I browsed the aisles, trying to find a different book. Of course, that is a hard task since I LOVE the bookstore and seldom get to indulge in this adventure without kids. I kept searching and searching and found “In the Heart of the World” by Mother Teresa.
A few aisles away I could hear the kids getting antsy so I decided to call it a day. We started to leave but my husband noticed I didn’t have the book I wanted. He asked why and I told him it wasn’t there. At that very moment we happen to be in an aisle that had a book titled, “The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex.” He said, “Isn’t this the other book you wanted?”
One kid began to scream she was hungry while the other one started crawling up my leg and tugging at my shirt. Clearly it is lunchtime and we needed to get out of the store. So I answered, “sure,” and he goes to purchase the two books.
We leave the store and start to walk to a local restaurant for lunch. My husband was managing the kids so I could skim through my book. And right away I am very upset and embarrassed about my purchase.
“I need to take this book back.”
“Why? Isn’t it the book you wanted.”
“No and it isn’t even close. The other book was written by Catholics moms talking about sex in Catholic marriage. This book is talking about how to dress like a whore so men look at you. And here is a chapter on vibrators. I can’t bring this book in our house.”
My husband begins to laugh and says, “You must be interested because you are still flipping through it.”
“I’m taking the book back right now. I will meet you at the restaurant.”
Well that doesn’t happen because both kids get upset and I realize I have to stay with the family and eat.
So we eat, go home for naps, I leave to pick up my friend, we eat ice cream, we get pedicures and then I go to return the book. I find a small book on the Blessed Mother.
I go to the cashier to return the sex book in exchange for the Blessed Mother book. She ask if there is anything wrong with my purchase (common question when you want to return something.)
“Well yes, it is about vibrators and wearing tongs. I’m a Blessed Mother kind of mom.”
The cashier next to her decided to chime in at this point.
“Wasn’t that your husband who bought that for you earlier? I remember your two pretty girls. I think he wanted you to have that book.”
“Yes that was. But he made a mistake. I don’t use vibrators so I have no use for this book.”
Urg. My life played out in the middle of the bookstore.