When I was in high school, I dated a guy, whom I had nothing what-so-ever in common with, at all, nothing, yet somehow ended up dating this guy, and losing my virginity to him. I never felt love for this guy so I can’t say love is what got me in that situation. And I really don’t think it was because everyone else was doing it because honestly the people I hung out with weren’t. I have no excuse for the actions I took so I’m not going to type here and say something that is not true.
We dated for close to six months and then we grew rather bored of each other and broke up. The week we broke up, I realized I was late. The next week, I was still late. I was freaking out pretty darn bad about it and honestly had no idea what to do. I wasn’t about to take a pregnancy test because doing that would only make the idea of being pregnant more real. Getting pregnant was something that never crossed my mind. I didn’t think I was invisible, I just never thought about it. Irresponsible people got pregnant.
But at that moment I realized I wasn’t very responsible either. After work, I took my roller blades to the park and decided to skate so I could figure things out in my head. I ended up going around the whole lake which is about six miles during this what-am-I-going-to-do-if-I-am-pregnant time.
I had no desire whatsoever to talk to the guy again because frankly, he was a pothead and a real loser. (Again, these were my thoughts as a high schooler.) The last thing I wanted was to be connected to him with a pregnancy. That just made me even more scared.
The easiest thing to do would be to get an abortion. That way nobody would find out. If I were to get pregnant, then my parents would know I was having sex. I’m pretty sure they had no idea and there was no way I was going to let them know. I was “the good kid” and a pregnancy would bring scandal to our whole family. I just couldn’t disappoint my parents like that. (Even though I wasn’t very close to my parents, I still feared disappointing them.)
An abortion seemed like the logical thing to do. Plus I wouldn’t have to tell the guy, who honestly would have paid for it I’m sure. My skate time was over and I was happy to have things figured out in my head.
I drove back to work so I could page my friend to call me later. My plan was to have her go get me a pregnancy test. She had done this before and I knew she wouldn’t have a problem doing it.
I left work, got back in my car and was about to head home when I looked down and realized that I had started my period. What a sense of relief.
And my life went back to normal.
I realize now, how differently things could have turned out.
If I was pregnant, I would have called my friend and she would have taken me to get an abortion. As simple as that.
No big deal. Because I never thought I was carrying a baby. I only saw it as a pregnancy. Somehow, I never pieced the two together.
And the other problem? This was during my god-less years. I only had parents to disappoint and in my eyes, they would be disappointed with a pregnancy.
How differently would things have been if I had been pregnant, but believed in God? I would have known that a pregnancy meant there was a baby. But even more importantly, I wouldn’t have wanted to disappoint God.
As much as I dislike abortion, I can sympathize with young girls who get them. I picture myself all those years ago, and I think those girls might be in the same mind frame as I was.
And then I pray, if more girls were properly educated to understand that a pregnancy is a baby than more babies would be saved. If more people believed in God, then maybe they would be more afraid to disappoint Him than their parents.
How differently our world would be.